Friday, June 22, 2007

Intensity

Sometimes I wish I didn’t feel everything as intensely as I do.

When desires and hopes I could almost touch, crumble to dust…
Pain, like a knife stab in the center of my heart.

When an old, old friend visits the waterfall, and then chooses a different path…
Grief, like an unforgotten song that haunts my dreams for years.

When the future looms bleak and lonely,
Fear, like a stone in the pit of my stomach.

The only good part about feeling such emotions so intensely is that it’s so much easier to step out of them and watch. It’s such a physical pain, that it’s easier to disconnect from them. And as I watch, they fade away. Perhaps that’s the secret of intensity...one can step away and watch it.

It’s equally easy to step away from the brighter emotions…and often I do…but I enjoy them a while longer…

When the first rains burst upon the city and two wild little 4 year old boys run up and down the street stark naked, reveling in the heavenly shower…and I watch them, an unconscious smile hovering on my lips, mesmerized by their dance of freedom…
Flight, of my heart, taking wing and soaring into those free skies beyond concrete paradigms.

When I talk about my dear old friend Mock and our soulgroup - Manjula, Kamini, Sai G, Neha…
Joy, that bubbles and overflows through my eyes into the people listening, making my voice tremble with emotion.

When I can “see” the dance in my head as I hear music playing…
Power, that surges through my nerves and muscles pushing me to dance it out.

When a dog looks into my eyes with all the hope of a lifetime and wags its tail in the first move towards friendship…
Compassion, that tingles right down to my finger tips as I stroke his forehead.

When Kirti’s baby daughters gently remind me of the larger picture with their out-of-the-blue, startling, intuitive expressions…
Lightness, a feeling of floating beyond the limitations and barriers of this one human life.

Intensity is a good thing, and I wouldn’t want to lose it.
As long as I get to step out of it at will, I will manage.

4 comments:

aklanta said...

but at times you feel you were minus this intense sensitivity...

Eye of the Needle said...

If intensity is an integral part of our demeanor,then we never side step it.

It just slips in to our sub-conscious time and again during the course of life. Triggered by certain end points it keeps emerging back to consciousness.

Kirti said...

Beautiful thoughts from a beautiful soul.

Rahil Arora said...

Intensity is most certainly a good thing but don't think one can get out of it at will, if that were the case then there would be no intensity at all... I might be wrong