I've been reading Juan Arias' interviews with Paulo Coelho and they've stirred in me confessions of my own. Confessions I must make to myself.
I've always found Coelho's works full of light. He speaks from a place of depth - beats a rhythm that my soul marches to. I've read all his books in English and what I love is his ability to seamlessly bridge the gap between the inner experience and the outer experience. The Fifth Mountain is the one work I left unfinished. I was reading it at a point in life when my struggle seemed as ardous as the protagonist's and it felt like I was carrying double the burden - mine and his, as I waded through it. It felt like all the pain, all the suffering and all the loss in the world was ripping my heart apart, as it was his. Someday, when the time is right, I will go back and finish it.
My confession is that I have realised (and accepted) that almost 90% of my existence is sourced from within me. My inner core is a fountain of richness, wisdom, contentment, understanding. It's a vast, exciting and amazing place of vitality. It's where I do most of my living. It's where I do most of my perceiving from. It's where I spend most of my time and feel complete. Only 10-15% of my living is in the outer world. All experiences are assimilated, even experienced through the inner core.
It's hard to explain. And harder still is acknowledging to myself that the kind of partner I would ever take on my journey is someone who has as rich an inner world as mine. Most of me is really this magus, pilgrim, warrior of light, shaman - call it what you will...I call it "a spiritual being on a human journey..." and I confess I can only share my life with someone who lives from his inner core and assimilates his outer experiences with the wisdom of Spirit, turning them into the light that fills his well of magic - his inner world.
To live from the inside out - that is my journey.
Exhilarating and dramatic.
Pristine and fulfilling.