Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Chasing the Diamond Ring. (Thank you ex-es)

Chasing Harry Winston is the story of three women – girlfriends - turning 30, chasing diamond rings (or the men who would buy one for them.) I could go on ad nauseum about the minor details, but any further description would be a waste of words, time and character space.

Let me hence, hurry to the point.

I’ve been that woman, chasing the diamond ring for the ‘stability’ it signifies. In Indian terms “settle ho gaye.” (Of course, I’d only have admitted to this under hypnosis of the deepest sort.)

But generally, chasing a diamond ring requires strategy or atleast some modification of behaviour. Unlike heroines in New York City, I’m a terrible strategist. Truth is, I have no strategy. My very birth was orchestrated to ensure this. My horoscope is a minefield that most pundits tip toe through and all mother-in-laws run miles from, when they get to see it. Not a good start for relationships in India, eh?

As a person goes, I am blunderingly obvious but in an elegant, gentle way – which is what probably deceived my exes (I’m sure they think they were deceived.) I’m the sort of girl that a lot of prospective mother-in-laws take to quite well (before my horoscope enters the story.) Their comfort with me isn't due to any sterling qualities I hold, but primarily because I’m not a rude or in-your-face person. I’m polite, sensitive, listen well, and smile at frequent intervals, which is why their sons take to me in the first place.

But, as my exes found out – all free spirits don’t walk around with a man’s swagger, purple dyed hair and pierced body parts. One after the other, each of the men I’d fall in love with would eventually choose to de-link his life from mine. Each had his own style. One renounced the world to live on a kibbutz. One slunk away into the night, hoping he was camouflaged by the shadows and I wouldn’t notice. (I mean – for real?) From finding another woman to marry and then informing me of it, to promising to marry me and another woman at the same time (yes, this last one really did happen) - all said and done, I’ve witnessed amazing reasons for being dumped. The elusive diamond ring would prance away under my very nose.

Each time I was of course, very hurt and spent many precious moments cursing myself and my destiny, wallowing in self-pity and certainly not feeling positive towards the specific ex in question.

In Chasing Harry Winston, (and true American chic-lit glory), we are treated to a ‘punch-your-fist-in-the-air’ moment when the girl’s ex comes crawling back to her, begging to be reinstated in her life as her man. (And if not as her man then at least as the doormat upon which she wipes her feet occasionally.) The sparkling seconds in which she now rejects him are every woman’s dream come true.

Unlike the wonderful world of American soppiness, that sort of drama totally skipped my life.
No one came crawling back.
Not even striding back.
Not even a tentative whiff of a knock at the door.

I was heartbroken. Self esteem plummeted like a rocket crashing into a gravity force field. My ex-es moved on quickly with their lives, without paying heed to the bits of my broken heart scattered on the floor. (Yes, I was a drama queen – well, still am one.)

Little did I imagine that at the ripe old age of 30, I’d thank my stars for this extraordinary piece of good fortune. (i.e. the ex-es moving on with their lives; not my theatrical tendencies.)

It’s been a few years since the last ex walked out, and every day that has dawned since, I am grateful to these men. They saw what I did not see – in fact – what I refused to see. That my life with any of them wouldn’t really work out. I was a round peg in their world of squares and in aspiring to be square and squashing myself into a misshapen quadrilateral, I would have ruined two lives, besides bringing heartache to the families. What I needed was a round world, but I clutched desperately and daftly to the illusion of squareness. (Talk about being thick in the head!)

Thank God someone noticed the truth.

So now, when a golden heart smiles at me from across the horizon, I know who to thank for the warmth in my life. My ex-es are my greatest gurus. They’ve walked me through the toughest lessons of life – relationships. I’ve truly realised that every relationship is a reflection of my relationship with myself. These men are the ones who’ve helped me understand myself better than anything else ever could. They revealed to me my “round peg identity” and dispelled my “square” delusions. For this, I will always be grateful.

I have found my diamond ring. It was inside me, all the while. The only ‘stability’ a human can ever know is her own soul and I revel in the new facets of my soul that sparkle forth every day. I’m getting to know my diamond intimately and I love the empowered feel of it.

Therefore, to my ex-es I say - thank you, each one of you for the pivotal role you chose to play in my life. For uncovering my true diamond for me.

From the bottom of my heart, I do wish you well.

20 comments:

divya said...

love it . absolutely love it . the " dating memoirs ". the adreline rush,the ring syndrome , the heartache , and then the "hopeful " realisation of a long forgotten truth .
hope we all find the diamonds in our hearts !

Saraswati said...

Thank you divya! Cheers to that!

aarts said...

Amazingly apt.I must say most of us "single women" seem to be in the same boat :) Great piece of writing.

Harit said...

I can't talk about my exes, it was too long ago and in all likelihood I will end up misquoting or misrepresenting....however, on a related note I have always been grateful to my ex bosses (I am on my 16th these days). Not the 3 who were great and taught me what to do but the other 13 from whom I learnt what I shouldn't be doing...I guess that is the best use one can put the 'ex' community to. Whether they were ex friends, ex lovers, ex colleagues or even ex relations.....

Kirti said...

Wake up women and look for your very own diamond ring, within, because there it is and always will be. Loved it Saraswati...................

ashita said...

get to see yet another diamond in you...loved it !!

Saraswati said...

@Harit ...I agree - the rule applies to all ex-es. :)

@Kirti and Ashita...thank you! The women in my life do shape my thoughts and understanding...thank you guys!

Natasha said...

Although I hated Chasing Harry Winston and it is a part of my list of the worst 10 books I have ever read, I am going to say that what you have written is superbly fantastic! I think I could picture you saying all this to me when I was reading. It's straight from the heart. Fantastic stuff!

STEVEN said...

I can only smile
smiles go where words cannot follow
from around one

:)

Saraswati said...

@Aarts and Natasha...Thank you for the thumbs up! :)

@Steven... :) :) :)

lubna said...

loved it.....very apt...great work saras....

Saraswati said...

Thanks Lubna...I really appreciate the encouragement. :)

Sai said...

You've done good, sister. :-) Beautifully written. Proud of you, truly, for what you've discovered about yourself. May you shine, always. Love ya!

Saraswati said...

@Sai - thanks bud! :) And yes...you are welcome to say.. "I told you so!" :)

Swapna Maini said...

Love it!!! Love the way you look at the so called unfortunate events in life as steps that brought you closer to learning the truth about you!! Shine on crazy diamond!!! :)

Eye of the Needle said...

Why don't you pen a chic lit on these very same lines :-)
The diamond shall shign even brighter when producers chase you for screenplay adaptation rights :D

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
sing o sing a song..... and we gotta sing along.. said...

beautiful girl .... uv always had the diamond ring ... i totally believe that it only comes to u wen u stop chasing ... thankfully thats something i din have to do :D but ... u my dear are far more precious than any rock in this world... whatever its worth !!! in the words of beyonce 'all the single ladies' stop looking for ur prince charmings... theyr gonna walk right up to u and sweep u off ur feet ... but only once uv found ur own diamond ... :)

Shelly Jain said...

Thumbs up to you:-)

Neha said...

I was just quite when I read ur this post... It says a lot about ur journey. Happy to see that u have become such a strong woman on whom every body would feel proud especially u yourself :) Great going Saraswati! Double thumbs up!